


For When Your Brain Tells You Otherwise

by bluesky_daydreaming



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, KEITH LOVES LANCE A LOT, Lance has anxiety, M/M, Self-Indulgent, iverson is jerk in this im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 21:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17149232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesky_daydreaming/pseuds/bluesky_daydreaming
Summary: It is in those moments that he remembers every negative glance thrown his way, every, "Lance would you shut up!" He remembers rolled eyes and snarled words that he shouldn’t take to heart but he does. His brain stores these moments and throws them at him when no one else is watching. Breaks his heart and convinces him that he should just keep his mouth shut.





	For When Your Brain Tells You Otherwise

**Author's Note:**

> Basically i had a bad day and projected it on Lance, sorry bud. I also am procrastinating about writing the next part of my other fic.

It’s easy to be looked over in a house of six. There’s always something happening, always something requires the attention of everyone in the house. Whether it’s Marco bringing home top grades from college, or Veronica getting her first girlfriend, or Rachel telling them she has decided that her major is biomedical engineering, or Luis stopping by to tell everyone he and Lisa are expecting _again._

Something is always demanding all the attention, and Lance really tries not to resent it. He tries to reason with himself that he _does_ get attention. His papa had laughed so hard at joke Lance made during breakfast that juice came out of his nose. His mama had kissed his forehead when he came home from school that afternoon, demanding to hear about his day. And he relishes in the attention he gets from his parents and siblings because he loves them. He loves them more than anything the universe has to offer.

But, sometimes, his head wins out over his heart. His thoughts convince him that he is nothing, just an annoyance in their lives. They laugh at his jokes to keep him happy. They make their own jokes about him to subtly show him that he is _annoying._

And it is in those moments that he remembers every negative glance thrown his way, every _Lance would you shut up._ He remembers rolled eyes and snarled words that he _shouldn’t_ take to heart but he _does._ His brain stores these moments and throws them at him when no one else is watching. Breaks his heart and convinces him that he should just keep his mouth shut.

The morning after these nights is always the worst part. His chest is still sore, and his eyes are still puffy, but he takes a deep breath reminds himself of all the things that he _knows_ are true, despite what his brain tries to make him believe.

_He is the fourth of the McClain children and his mother calls him her miracle baby because she was already 38 when he was born, and the doctors told her that he wouldn’t make it._

_Luis called him the day he met Lisa (Lance had only been 14) and told him he had found the girl he was going to marry. And, when Lance asked why he called him instead of Marco or someone older, Luis had said, “Because you’re a romantic, kid, and I knew you would want to know.”_

_Veronica had come out to him first, last year, because she thought he would be the least likely to hate her for it. Lance had assured her no one would, and no one had._

_Marco always asks him to play video games when he’s home from college because, “Lance, college is boring. No one there comes close to rivaling my skill like you do.”_

_Rachel always looks at him when they see someone doing something stupid. It doesn’t even matter where they are. Across the cafeteria at school? Eye contact. She calls it their twin telepathy. Lance laughs every time._

With one more deep breathe, Lance leaves the bathroom to get dressed. He jokes when he goes down for breakfast, laughs at his own jokes. He allows himself to remember that he is a valuable member of his family, that his brain is _wrong_ before he leaves for school.

“Rachel!” He calls as he walks out the door, “You coming?”

“Nope! Getting a ride from Garrett!” 

His heart might still be on his sleeve a bit, but his smile is real, and for now that is enough.

When he pulls into the parking lot, Lance can already tell that his friends are in good moods, which is wonderful because he isn’t sure he could handle any negative.

Hunk and Pidge are waiting by Hunk’s car, in the spot next the Lance’s, laughing with each other. Keith is making his way over to them from the main lot, and he grins when he spots Lance’s car pulling in.

After he parks, Lance greets his boyfriend first, kissing his cheek. Their relationship is new, blossoming after hating each other in middle school and then becoming best friends in high school, and just seeing Keith is almost enough to make Lance forget about his mental drama the night before.

Pidge gags, “PDA is prohibited on school grounds.” Hunk elbows her.

Lance snickers and Keith rolls his eyes as the group starts toward the entrance of the school.

“Did I tell you guys that I’m going to be an uncle again?” Lance asks, feeling lighter and lighter.

“Seriously? Doesn’t that make like 10 nieces and nephews for you?” Keith gawks, playing with Lance’s fingers.

“Three, Keith. That makes three.” Hunk laughs, “Congrats, Lance.”

“At the rate Matt is going, I’ll never even have _one_ niece or nephew.”

“Pidge, you hate kids.” Lance teases.

“Okay, no. I find them assuming, I just never want any of my own.”

The bell rings soon after, and Keith and Pidge split from Lance and Hunk to head to their own classes.

“I hate history.” Hunk complains as they walk, “It’s the most boring subject there is.”

“You say that like you don’t have a 100 in the class.”

“Being good at something and _liking_ it are two very different things.”

Lance agrees as he takes his seat, waiting for Coran to actually come teach his class. Which is, admittedly, a little bit boring.

The first half of the day passes without incident. Class is boring, but no one assigns homework (which is a score for a Friday). Lunch is calm, and Keith holds his hand, and they all laugh over jokes other people probably wouldn’t find funny.

There’s a promposal at the end of the lunch block, Lotor finally working up the courage to ask Allura, who, or course, says yes. It reminds Lance that he has to think of a way to ask Keith. Because Keith had confessed to him first, and there was _no way_ he could beat Lance to asking about prom, too.

It’s his last block of the day when things take a nose dive. He had just begun to feel like himself again, to shake of the remnants of the attack last night, but Iverson ruins that.

Lance runs into physics, just seconds after the bell, Keith hot on his heels, and skids into his seat. Keith takes his on the other side of the room because Iverson was one of _those_ teachers. The minute he saw friends, he separated them.  

“McClain! You have a C in this class. You could at least be on time!” Iverson barks, not even acknowledging the fact the Keith was, by Iverson’s definition, also late.

Lance tries to brush it off, mumbles a “Yes, sir,” and laughs with his classmates, but the block wears slowly on, Iverson sniping at him from the front of the room any chance that he gets, and the good mood Lance has been building all day vanishes.

When the bell rings to end class, Lance is out of his seat and out the door in seconds, thanking any god that will listen that he had no homework, and ignoring Keith call his name. His eyes burn, and his brain starts to fill with thoughts like the ones last night.

_Iverson sees what you really are. Stupid. Weak annoying. He didn’t even say a word to Keith._

_Keith probably just pities you. He hated you in middle school for a reason._

_Hunk and Pidge only stick around because they feel obligated to._

Lance feels his heart rate kick up and he’s almost in his car when Keith grabs his wrist.

“Lance!” Keith looks terrified, and somehow it makes Lance feel worse, “What is going on?”

Lance takes a deep breath. Keith doesn’t need to deal with Lance’s drama right now. “Nothing, it’s nothing. I just have to get home.”

“So fast that you couldn’t even walk out with me?” Keith’s tone gives away his hurt, at least to Lance. “We had plans tonight, remember? Dinner?”

Lance had forgotten, too caught up in his own head to think about it. _Selfish._ “God, Keith, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s even wrong with me.”

Keith’s eyes soften, “Don’t apologize. Just tell me what’s going on.”

Lance nods, his heartbeat slowing down a bit. “Not here.” He says. “I’ll drive you home, or something. I just don’t want to talk here.”

Keith nods, pulling out his phone, presumably to tell Shiro that he would be riding with Lance and not to pick him up, and gets into Lance’s passenger seat. “We going to your house or mine?” He asks as Lance pulls out of the parking lot.

It’s a testament to how awful Lance feels that he doesn’t make a joke. “Yours. I’ll text mom when we get there.”

About halfway to Keith’s house, Lance hears him snort, and raises an eyebrow in question.

“Shiro just texted me: _good because I’m with Adam and I meant to tell you to get a ride earlier.”_

Lance laughs, turning into Keith’s neighborhood, “How responsible.”

Keith’s house is empty, and Lance is relieved: less people to explain this to.

“What’s going on, Lance?” Keith asks, the worry in his eyes making Lance’s heart clench as they sit on the couch.

Lance takes a deep breath, looking away from his boyfriend, down at his lap. “Sometimes it- I.” He has to stop, formulate a way to put the feeling into words. Keith takes his hand but doesn’t say anything. “Sometimes it feels like, and _I know this is stupid,_ but sometimes it feels like… like I don’t matter.” Lance looks up at Keith to find his eyes wide, and he continues before Keith can interrupt him. “I know it isn’t true. But it’s like my brain stores any negativity it can find and uses it to make me feel awful. My brain just repeats words like _annoying_ and _stupid_ over and over, convinces me that my friends, _my family,”_ He squeezes Keith’s hand, willing the tears not to spill, “anyone I care about, really, doesn’t actually care. They just pity me.”

Keith lets go of his hand and Lance’s stomach drops like a rock, but Keith just grabs his face, forcing Lance to meet his eyes. “Well, your brain sucks.” Keith deadpans and Lance laughs, “Absolutely none of that is at all true. Lance you hold people together. You make jokes to break tension and your smile is contagious.” It’s Keith’s turn to take a deep breath, “You are kind and compassionate, and I fell in love with you because you accepted me as I was. You accept everyone as they are.”

Lance kisses him because he can and because he has no other way to express his gratitude. “Thank you, I love you too.” He whispers, leaning against Keith’s shoulder. “And I’m sorry. For running out of school today. Last night was bad and I just… Iverson brought it all back to the surface.”

Keith doesn’t say anything, just pulls Lance back into his chest. Listening to his boyfriend’s heartbeat, Lance falls asleep. The emotional exhaustion catching up to him, weighing him down.

When Keith is sure Lance is really asleep, he grabs Lance’s phone, sending a text to his mother saying that he’s hanging out with Keith, and then opens Lance’s notes.

Under the title _For When Your Brain Tells You Otherwise,_ he lists some of the reasons he knows everyone is grateful for Lance.

_You make us laugh when we want to cry._

_You keep hair bands for Pidge because you know she always forgets them._

_You talk Hunk out of anxiety attacks._

_You play with my hair when I’m angry because you know I love it._

_Your mother relies on you for birthdays because she knows you don’t miss anything your siblings say, she knows that you’ll always have the best gift ideas._

_Your dad once told me that you’re the most reliable kid he has._

_Lance, this list could go on for 10,000 more words, but you have to know that I wouldn’t trade you for anything in this world, Lance McClain. I love you, with your crappy brain and terrible jokes. You never fail to make my day better. Don’t you ever doubt it._

_Call me if you need to. I love you._

_\- Keith_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Any feedback is appreciated!


End file.
